“It doesn’t matter how much you take. It’s what you make. The hurt you create. For me”
Nona Hendryx From the Labelle song “I Believe I’ve Finally Made It Home”
Sometimes in life you fight to make the best of things. You try your best to make choices that you hope will allow for whatever goodness exists to win the day. Some days just getting to the end of the day is the best you can hope for. Some days you can sleep after trying your best. Some days no matter what you do sleep never comes.
It’s an eternal cycle. You try and do your best and hope that in that struggle there is hope that decency will in the end save you. For as long as I can remember I always had the lead role. From when at 21 I had to lead my family and bury my mother. While everyone around me was lost I had to help my father through setting up visitation, funeral, burial all on New Year’s Eve and Day.
I have spent a life of people depending on me and trusting me. I did not choose that role but I did not shrink from it either. Like many gay men my age our lives took a detour starting for me in 1982. When my first lover called me from San Francisco to tell me his current lover was in the hospital with Pneumonia. In the time it took me to get to San Francisco from Los Angeles, where I was living,he had died. There had to be a closed casket because funeral directors would not embalm men who had this strange new disease. That was the beginning of a generation long nightmare where the deaths of vibrant young men became commonplace. No matter what we did, or how much we hurt,it kept happening. Beautiful, talented, vibrant souls of our community perished and we were powerless. Those that were gone did not go easy. They wasted away in front of us in brutal, horrific ways.
It did not matter if you were rich or poor, educated or not educated. It was an equal opportunity killer. A family friend, Paul Rapaport, died in 1987. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Rapoport. He was the son of my Aunt Eleanor’s long time boss David Rapaport who was a successful real estate businessman. He was taking over the business for his father, and was my Aunt’s boss, and for one summer mine as I was running an elevator in Manhattan during college summers. He was brilliant, and like his father tough as nails in business. There was another side to him as well.He was one of the 8 founders of the Gay Men’s Health Crisis. Immortalized in Larry Kramer’s “The Normal Heart” and Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Services Center. He left behind “The Paul Rapaport Foundation” that did great work and save many lives in the LGBT community in NY. While our families mourned his passing and he left behind a great legacy in the end he was still dead. Out time to mourn was short as the news of someone else taking ill soon came and the cycle of death and loss came again.
In the 2016 world of Grindr and PREP today’s young gay men can’t comprehend what that was like. I could not be happier for them. If you ever watched someone you love waste away, get covered with sores, and literally die in your arms it is not something you ever forget. I went to well over 100 funerals, countless AIDS benefits, and dwelled on the loss. There was also the guilt of surviving. It changed me. It hardened me and softened me.
When I became sober 27 years ago my door was always open to anyone who needed help. I can’t count how many people walked through that door. I can tell you that drug addiction and alcoholism usually wins. It is an inescapable fact. One night I in 1996, made a mad dash to SF from LA to meet a young man Eric Mishou. I tricked into going to a hotel at a specific time where I met him and took him to rehab in LA. He was a heroin addict and I relied on the help of my good friend Bob Timmons. We set in place a regimen to keep him occupied from Friday night until Monday morning when we could get him into rehab. On Saturday and Sunday we walked with him on Venice Beach. At night I stayed with him in my house as he sweat, cried, and shook all night long. On Sunday night I stayed up with him again he was in awful shape. At some point I fell asleep and I awakened to a call from the CHP telling me my car had been found at the bottom of the Conejo grade in Ventura County. Eric was in custody. Seems he stole the car and tried to drive to SF to score heroin. He was in jail for about a month. I picked him up he stayed at my house for maybe 2 days and went back to SF I never saw him again. Eric died of AIDS in 2005. http://ebar.com/obituaries/index.php?sec=ob&article=82 .
I am going in to all of this for a reason. I have been painted as a homophobic creature without morals or any semblance of decency. One person said it was obvious I was into destroying lives. Coming from a stranger it does not mean much. The realization that I was painted as that by David Farrier however is a different matter. I have on many occasions discussed his immoral lying. My last conversation with him in Auckland which he portrays as me threatening him was far from that. A great part of the discussion was about how AIDS had affected my life. How my cousin had died from it. My last communication with him was this email:
As you can see the discussion of AIDS and it’s ramifications was a central theme of my private meeting with Farrier. He has lied about what was said, and who I am. It’s all on recordings he won’t release because the emperor has no clothes. There is a point to this and it is time I get to it. There has been something simmering under all of this and for reasons of not reopening old wounds I remained silent. That time has past. Two years ago Farrier was crossing the country calling me and my associates criminals. He was the furthest thing from my mind. Since he had shown himself a malicious liar I put him out of my mind. I had more pressing matters in front of me. My roommate and friend of 14 years, was in a life or death struggle with a horrible combination of mental illness, drug addiction, and a deteriorating HIV condition. I have not spoken of this until now because it was private business. He came to me over the weekend and told me that he was going to do an interview about his fight back from the depths of despair to where he is now. He is going to tell everything including the damage David Farrier did to his life.
He was in the throes of a very bad time in his life. Anyone familiar with mental illness knows the difficulty of trying to deal with it. It was a situation that was spiraling out of control. I found a Psychiatrist who was taking care of him, and we were working together to try and get him the help he needed. As he whirled out of control, at the instruction the Psychiatrist, I called the police which is the first step in getting someone committed. They came talked with him and left. He was angry and very unstable. I called a friend of his who spent the night with him and she left in the morning. I did not see him all day till about 7 PM when he took the younger of the two dogs in the house, his Siberian Husky puppy, for a walk and he never returned. What ensued was months of hell. I could not find him. I tried everywhere. Filed missing person’s reports anything and everything I could. He seemingly vanished. Weeks later I got a call from a hospital in Brooklyn and he had checked himself in. According to the doctor he was afraid of, and angry with me. I had no idea why and did not find out for quite some time. I was at the same time trying to find the dog. I was able to trace it to foster care where he had been placed. My roommate had had a full psychotic break and was for want of a better term broken. It was terrifying. Again anyone dealing with mental illness knows that your inability to do anything about it is crippling. I tried my best to get my roommate better and get the dog back. The people who had the dog refused to return him. All my roommate wanted to do have his dog back but they would not budge. In time with a lot of help and a good doctor he started improving. It was however a very tentative improvement. He moved back and I promised him I would get his dog back. He was fighting suicidal depressions and believed he had ruined his life beyond repair. The return of the dog became the symbolic of the road back. I tried the police they would do nothing. I found a lawyer to take the case and spent months and over $20,000 to get the dog back. It was a turning point where this person slowly realized the world hadn’t ended. I feel it saved his life. Frankly the most important work I had ever done. This however is not a story of Mother Theresa. It is a tale of evil that leads right to the feet of David Farrier.
As I said after the police left my roommate was mad at me. In that mindset he reached out to David Farrier through his kikstarter page and they talked. He was told by Farrier that I, and those around me were all criminals and we were all going to jail. That we were all evil and part of a cult that was terrorizing young men. He took a person who was delusional, and paranoid, lied to him, and instilled in him a fear he had to run from. He heard a horror story of lies and ran for his life. I did not discover the depths of Farrier’s depravity until there were depositions in the lawsuit for the dog showing exactly the havoc Farrier had wrought. Here are some of the Facebook messages between my roommates’ family and friends struggling to try and help him and deal in farriers lies.
These people his brother and sister and friends were desperately trying to help their brother and friend. He was disconnected from reality in a full blown psychotic break and they were trying to understand. If you want to see the depravity of Farrier and the consequences of his lies look at this one quote. “A boy rapist cult that involves manipulation for rights to be video taped, abused, and demeaned? I have nothing but my assumption.” This is where Farrier led people. In this case he almost took the life of my roommate. The savior of gay people went right after a seriously ill gay man for his own purposes lied and cause havoc and pain to so many people. He came right into the heart of my life with no concern for what his words might do. They had 2 skype calls. It would have been obvious the state my roommate was in. In this, as in every case, Farrier did not care about anyone but himself. In this case it almost cost a life, and that I will not forget. The pain and grief brought to so many people by his recklessness is unbearable. Just look at the patterns here. He called us a “cult”. Just this week in discussing this website this is what Farrier said;
“I take it you’ve seen their truther site TickledMovie.Info?
Yes, Tickled.Info is amazing. It’s like what Scientology has done, they make a website to discredit the films, they’re tweeting people and reviewers saying “Look at this, it’s great.”
Here we have come full circle to the cult lie. First of all I never said this site was “Great”. What I say is that it is the truth. They never go after the substance, they wave the “these people are evil flag” and hide behind it.
One of the most revolting things is the lack of Journalism ethics shown by people writing about this documentary. Just recently no one mentions the fact that Jordan Shillachi recanted everything he said and exposed the fact that Farrier was paying people to lie for him. Then Farrier called Jordan a liar. Why has no one asked why they have a person they call a liar in the documentary? Why do Journalists say I allege that he used things that were promised to be off the record and my assistant’s image they promised they would blur out, and not mention that the proof exists that they are flat out lying. Why in the search for the truth don’t they demand the release of the unedited recordings that will show Farrier and Reeve are lying about everything I have claimed about New Zealand. Instead we dwell in a perverse Journalistic universe where “The end justifies the means”, and “Two wrongs make a right” rule the day. Neither of which are ethical.
Let’s look at this. http://www.epmu.org.nz/journalist-code-of-ethics/
- They shall report and interpret the news with scrupulous honesty by striving to disclose all essential facts and by not suppressing relevant, available facts or distorting by wrong or improper emphasis. Let’s discuss this. There was no honesty as it applies to Farrier’s interactions with my aspect of this production. The truth exists. All Farrier needs to do is release the verified unedited recordings. “not suppressing relevant, available facts or distorting by wrong or improper emphasis” He did not tell people he was paying witnesses. That is relevant. He did not tell people that he took $1,000 from pornographer Richard Ivey and made him an associate producer. That is relevant. He did not tell people that Richard Ivey in his work engages in sex acts with the men in the scenes. That is relevant. Ivey uses the film to promote his porn business. http://nymag.com/betamale/2016/06/tickle-fetish-erotica-movie.html. In essence Farrier uses images from a pornographer that are nothing like what I have shot, and implies I am shooting porn. Everyone who uses that picture is promoting a porn site. That is relevant.
- In all circumstances they shall respect all confidences received in the course of their occupation. He broke every confidence. He lied about everything.
- They shall not allow personal interests to influence them in their professional duties. That is all he did.
- They shall not allow their professional duties to be influenced by any consideration, gift or advantage offered and, where appropriate, shall disclose any such offer. That is all he did. This was never about anything but money and seeking fame. Just look at taking $1,000 from and then promoting a pornographer.
- They shall not allow advertising or commercial considerations to influence them in their professional duties. Need I repeat myself? Just look at taking $1,000 from and then promoting a pornographer.
- They shall use fair and honest means to obtain news, pictures, films, tapes and documents. That does not include plainly saying you are not recording and secretly recording. Again I am not asking anyone to believe me, I am asking anyone who believes in ethical Journalism demand the release of the UNEDITED secretly recorded conversations. To not do so is Journalistic malfeasance.
- They shall identify themselves and their employers before obtaining any interview for publication or broadcast . This never happened. Farrier often implied to people he was working for news 3. Look at how many interviews there are in the documentary where the subjects are not told either that they are being recorded or that that are going to be in a documentary.
- They shall respect private grief and personal privacy and shall have the right to resist compulsion to intrude on them. When Farrier spoke to the stepmother he never told her she was going to be in a documentary or that she was being recorded. In fact he told her that he was doing a story. Not that he was doing a documentary. He never informed her that he was going to put her in a documentary or got a release from her. He never told her that he was about to turn her life upside down. That he was going to take whatever peace she had in her final years and turn it into a living nightmare. Why did this elderly woman not have the right to make the decision for herself? She had stated she was afraid if her stepson. Why then would you not allow her to choose if she wanted to participate in the documentary? This is clearly Elderly Abuse. Anyone that does not think so just contemplate it was your elderly grandmother who was not told what she was doing and she expressed fear and you did not tell her or warn her? Dylan Reeve told me they did not get a release because they did not need one. I asked him if they told her he said they told her later. I believe that is a lie. Why did this woman have no rights? Why should an elderly person be put in a life changing stressful place without her permission? Why does Farrier play god with the health of an elderly person who may or may not be strong enough to survive the stress or shock? He almost killed my roommate, and brought untold grief and stress to decent people because his lies and search for money and fame trumped the humanity of any one person.
I could go chapter and verse on the lack of ethics these examples only scratch the surface. I would like to address the pain and suffering he has brought to so many people. He makes a big point of the “Tickle Lady” using footage of people without their permission. Yet he uses footage of people I have shot without any concern for them. He says the “Tickle lady” exploits these men for her purposes. Who is exploiting who here? He calls them victims then victimizes innocent people in far worse ways that what he is claiming to be fighting. Which of these men deserve to show up in movie theaters or on HBO being called gay porn fetish models so their grandmothers can see? Why do they have no rights? When I asked Reeve he said they thought about blurring them out but they were online anyway. These men were told they would be seen by a small group of people who were interested in tickling. Not that they would be in every home around the world being called gay porn fetish model’s. Who is the Bully here. Who is exploiting who?\Why don’t the rights of these innocent people matter?
By now Magnolia Films and HBO should have asked for the Unedited secret audio recordings and know I am telling the truth and Farrier and Reeve are lying. Is there investment worth lying for? They certainly know that their paid witness is a liar. Farrier and Reeve have called him such. Why are they still showing a documentary with a person they themselves call a liar?
I am often asked why I have taken these people on. This is the real David VS Goliath story. This is about real human beings being hurt for greed. This evil “The end justifies the means” and “Two wrongs make a right” lack of integrity and ethics is the story here. It is a shameful grab for money and fame by Farrier. For Magnolia and HBO it is a shameless disregard for the truth and a lack or care about who you hurt so you can lie. Lives have been put at risk. Unbelievable damage has been done to many people who are good and decent people. By now Farrier must know I am going to follow him to the gates of hell for what he did in my home. He must know I will not stop till every lie is exposed. Till good people are cleared of his hate and they are made whole. To the gates of hell we go.